Over the last few months, it has become apparent to me that I am starting to lose my edge. My once overly sharp memory is starting to fail me. Is it age? Is it the medication I am on? Is it that work is ludicrously busy and with school things are starting to fall out of my brain?
Yeah, I really don’t know. But I don’t like it.
Way back in the olden days (you know when unicorns and dinosaurs roamed the earth), before I sought help for my anxiety, I could remember ENTIRE days worth of conversations. I could replay them ad nauseam. Picking them apart, going over what I should have said, what the other person meant by what they said. The hidden messages, the secret codes… ALL of it.
And then, I started anti-anxiety medication/anti-depressants. No longer could I remember every conversation I had throughout a day. No longer could I remember ALL of my friend’s phone numbers, birthdays, license plate numbers and be able to recite them without prompt.
I shrugged it off as a small price to pay for a new sense of calm, the ability to fall asleep at bedtime, and some peace. I was still able to remember all the important information regarding projects at work, long after everyone else had forgotten about them. I could still remember the list of things I needed to get accomplished, tasks that needed attention – etc.
These days, that isn’t the case.
If I don’t write down every little thing that I need to do, I will forget to do it. Even if it is important. My brain has become a sieve. Co-workers have always come to me because of my memory, only now, I really cannot help them. Sorry guys, I am totally overwhelmed… and my brain is full… and it is throwing things out like crazy to make room.
It is a scary feeling, losing the ability to hold on to everything. Even if it has something to do with the amount of data I am trying to cram into my head everyday. I feel like I am losing what little control I have over myself. I feel like I am letting others down, those who rely on my memory.
I mean, yes, I know I am only human… and the expectations I have are a bit too high – considering my workload (home and work). But DAMN, when you are used to being a certain way…. it takes some getting used to. And well…. it is hard to change your expectations for oneself….
So, for now and until things get a little less chaotic…. you can giggle and say I am as sharp as a pillow….because well… it is kinda true.
Lots of reasons this could be happening and you mentioned most of them. Stress is probably exacerbating it. I remember when it started happening to me, and I don’t think I ever had as good a memory as you, it totally freaked me out! Now try not to stress over this too! Ironic ain’t it?
Stress?? What stress???
Me? Stress out, NEVER.
Totally, ironic… totally annoying…. can I buy some extra memory to stick in my brain somewhere??
I think you can but I’m not sure you want to pay the price!
I think I’ve been very lucky because I’ve never experienced brain fog or anything from any of the meds I’ve ever taken, unlike so many other folks. I’m sorry, THAM. Stress can definitely cause memory problems but from what you’re saying, it only happened *after* you started the new meds. Have you mentioned it to your doctor? I would hate feeling sharp as a pillow but I love the expression.
Oh, MW – it started 5 years ago when I first started taking the meds I am on…. but it was just the little things (every phone number a friend had, license plate numbers, all mundane, idiotic, stupid “what time is it” conversations) I can live with out that.
Now though, with 2 masters classes and work… things are a-slipping a bit… “did I really say I was going to do that?…. Shit sorry”
While I worry that perhaps the meds are affecting me, I also worry that IF I cut back on the dosage that I won’t be able to function like I do now…. catch 22….or something
I like Mme. Weebles’ comment. I hope it’s something easily resolved which switching medication, or if it is stress, at least that’s something you may be able to get a handle on eventually.
I do have A LOT going on. 50 hours a week at work, and 2 Masters level classes… and housework, and chores and dinner and grocery shopping…. and walking the Howler a ga-zillion times a day….
It probably IS just stress, and trying to do too much…. (I wonder how grey I will be when this is all over in 1.75 years)
I can relate. My memory was eerie so good it was. I still remember things but nothing like it used to be. I blame it to a combination of things, age being the most important.
I have my own theory too. As we grow old, we accumulate millions of memories. I think of the brain as a drawer and memories as items in the drawer. When the drawer is mostly empty, it is very easy to find what you’re looking for. But as the drawer get fuller and fuller of nick-knacks, it becomes very difficult to find that little item we’re looking for. Human beings didn’t used to have to save so many memories. A few dozen books read, a few news a day, the happenings of a little town. Now we watch hundreds of movies and TV shows, we read hundreds of books, we have the internet, world news are one click away. And of course, we take medications. So all that makes it more and more difficult for our brains to be as good for bringing up memories to the front of our minds like they used to. Too many viruses, too much spam makes our processor slow.
Anyway, that’s my story and I’m sticking to it. As Madame Weebles said, talk to your doctor about it! A foggy brain is an awful thing.
Hugs
Hi SSG,
I LOVE your theory….
I may (may) contact my doctor… I have been feeling pretty tired lately – like I could sleep FOREVER…
AND when I went to the walk-in clinic for that nasty cold I had during the holidays…. they said my blood pressure was LOW….
It makes me wonder if low blood pressure, excessive tiredness and lack of memory could all be caused by one thing… (meds, vitamin D deficiency…or lack of sunlight)…
we shall see.
Low blood pressure, tiredness and fogginess is associated with hypothyroidism, so it could be that.
Best of luck!
agh! okay okay now I HAVE to go.
Well, it’s one of the possible causes. But women in general, especially the petite ones, tend to have low blow pressure. That is their normal and it is not unhealthy.
But it’s better to get checked just in case. Best of luck!