An Update on the Furball…

Last night amid all the really rotten storms my good friend/downstairs neighbor and I went to visit The Howler in the hospital.

His tail was wagging like crazy.  He was snuggling up to me, burying his face in between my arm and my body.  (Save me momma, stay with me, protect me)

I didn’t want to leave him, but I didn’t cry (for once)…. He needs his IV pain meds… and shouldn’t be off of them for too long.

BUT he’s doing good, they say he has control of his bladder… (he’s peeing his bed – which to me means they are missing his cues when he needs to go outside)

He needs help walking still – but that is to be expected after back surgery….

8 Frickin’ staples… my poor dude.

Hopefully, if all goes well today, he can come home….

dopey and tired at your service.

My Troublemaker….

It has been about 24 hours since I have seen the Howler.  It has been 14 hours since I last received word about his condition and I have to wait until after 11am to call to inquire after him.  (The Veterinary Hospital’s policy)

Mom, I don’t feel well….

Suggestions?

I have a confession to make…

I need to do a better job of taking care of me…

You would think after this post I would be doing a better job of it…but I am not.

When it Rains….

Good Sunday morning all.

I want to let you in on a little secret…. one that really isn’t a secret.

This past week, while it didn’t involve the amount of crying and anguish that the previous week did – it was full of worry.

Silly me….

Making a Change….

The events of the past week have solidified my resolve when it comes to making sure I take care of myself.  All the school work, all the work work – all of the personalities vying for my attention, my energy, my everything….

Screw all of it.

Trying to make sense of it….

There comes a point when dealing with a relapsed addict, when you say “fuck it”.

Hey, those of us in recovery, get there pretty quickly…. because we have to preserve our own sobriety – FIRST.

When you make yourself stop worrying, and try to move on with your life.

When you stop trying to will things to happen, and leave it up to fate, a higher power (if you are into that sort of thing), chance.

It isn’t your responsibility to get them clean; it is theirs.

It isn’t your responsibility to bail them out; they need to figure it out on their own.

Worrying does nothing but waste energy.

Obsessing isn’t healthy.

Think positive thoughts, hope beyond all hope that this relapse doesn’t last long or do lasting damage….

Do your best to be a good role model.

Be supportive – but do not enable….

Set your boundaries, and do not give in….

And most importantly…. take care of yourself, because no one else is going to.

Grief, Pain and Worry

I have no words

But I have something to say.

I want to open my mouth

And let it all spill from it

I want to yell, and scream

And hit.

I am angry

I am hurt

I am worried

I am scared

 

I want to let the tears fall

But I am afraid that once they start,

I won’t be able to turn them off

I am afraid that once I start thinking horrid thoughts

I won’t be able to make them STOP.

I am afraid that if I don’t DO something, something worse will happen…

 

I want to scour every possible inch of the earth

Until I find HIM

I want to wrap him in bubble wrap

to keep him safe

I want to be attached to his hip….

So I can keep tabs on him

So he cannot hurt himself

I want to drag him by his ear

To the place where he can get the help he needs

Before it is too late.

 

When someone hits rock bottom

They shouldn’t be alone.

AND YET….

He is MIA

What can I do

When I am not asked for help?

But sit on the sidelines,

Worrying….

Obsessing…

Where is he?

What’s he doing?

Is he safe?

 

Silence is tough

Waiting in silence is tougher….

I just hope…

At the end of the day

He wants to ask for help

And he really wants the help that is given…